Picture this: you’ve been imagining fatherhood for as long as you can remember. Maybe it started with a mental image of teaching a kid to ride a bike, or coaching Little League, or just watching Saturday morning cartoons together on the couch. And then, somewhere along the way, the path to that future hits a wall. The calls to the doctor’s office pile up. The optimism quietly starts to wear thin. And you’re standing beside your partner - holding her hand, staying strong - while quietly wondering if anyone is thinking about what you’re carrying, too.
We talk a lot about the female experience when it comes to infertility, mostly because women are the ones going through the physical aspects of pregnancy, birth and all the treatments needed to get them there, even when the infertility issues are from male factors, but there’s a real impact on the men who want to become fathers, too.
With Father’s Day on the horizon I wanted to take some time to reflect on the experiences of men in the infertility process and how it can impact their mental health.
Male Infertility Is More Common Than You Think
One of the most important things I want men to know is this: you are not alone, and this is not a reflection of your worth.
Male factors contribute to approximately 50% of all infertility cases, either as the primary cause or as a contributing factor alongside female factors. The American Society for Reproductive Medicine (ASRM) recognizes male infertility as a medical condition with many potential causes, including sperm production issues, hormonal imbalances, anatomical blockages, and factors related to overall health and lifestyle.
In other words: in roughly half of all couples experiencing infertility, the male partner is part of the picture. And yet, how often do we hear his story told?
The Emotional Weight Men Carry
When a couple receives a diagnosis of infertility and a man watches his partner go through cycle after cycle of treatment, the emotional impact can be profound - and profoundly isolating.
Research has found that men facing infertility frequently experience depression, anxiety, feelings of inadequacy, grief, and a disrupted sense of identity (NCBI, 2025). Many describe a quiet unraveling of how they’ve always imagined themselves: as someone who would someday be a father. When that future feels uncertain, it can feel like a loss of self.
There’s also a particular cultural pressure many men absorb. Society has long tied fertility to masculinity, to virility, to being a provider of legacy. When infertility enters the picture, some men internalize it as failure - even when that framing couldn’t be further from the truth. Research suggests that men often suffer silently, underreporting their psychological distress because of these deep-rooted social expectations (NCBI, 2023).
And then there’s the role many men quietly take on during a partner’s fertility treatment: the supportive one, the steady one, the one who holds it together. That role can be meaningful, but it can also become a mask that makes it harder to tend to their own emotional needs.
Grief and Identity: Two Things That Don’t Get Talked About Enough
In my work with those navigating infertility, one of the truths I return to again and again is that grief doesn’t always look the way we expect it to. For men, it might look like pulling away, throwing themselves into work, or getting quiet in ways their partner can’t quite read. It might look like anger that doesn’t have a clear target, or a numbness that settles in after too many disappointments.
What I want you to know is that all of that is grief. And it is welcome here.
The journey toward parenthood - especially when it’s complicated by infertility - asks men to hold something incredibly difficult: the hope for a future that feels uncertain, layered on top of a present that can be exhausting, expensive, and emotionally draining. That is a lot to carry. And carrying it silently doesn’t make you stronger. It just makes you lonelier.
The Relationship Strain Is Real
Infertility doesn’t just affect individuals. It moves through relationships like a current. Partners may grieve differently, communicate differently, and need different things at different times. One partner may want to talk about it constantly; the other may need space. One may want to push forward with the next treatment; the other may need to pause and breathe.
These differences can create distance - not because love is lacking, but because two people are navigating enormous stress in their own ways. Couples therapy or individual support can be an incredible space to bridge that gap. It can help you learn how to stay connected when the road is hard, and to hold both of your experiences as valid at the same time.
A Word Directly to the Men Reading This
If you’ve made it to this part of the post, I want to speak to you directly.
Your desire to become a father matters. Your grief matters. Your fears about what this means for you, your relationship, your future - they matter. You do not have to be the rock every single moment. You are allowed to need support, to feel lost, to ask for help.
This Father’s Day, even if fatherhood is not yet your reality, I want to acknowledge the weight of wanting it. That longing is real. And you deserve care in carrying it.
Getting support isn’t a sign of weakness. It’s one of the most courageous things you can do for yourself, your relationship, and the family you’re working toward.
How Therapy Can Help
My work as a perinatal and fertility mental health therapist extends to the full experience of the fertility journey, including the experience of men and fathers-to-be. Whether you’re navigating a male factor diagnosis, supporting a partner through treatment, or simply trying to make sense of what this journey is doing to your sense of self, there is space for you here.
Therapeutic approaches like cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) and mind-body interventions have shown promise in helping individuals manage anxiety and stress during fertility treatment (NCBI, 2023). Individual therapy can offer a place to process grief, work through identity shifts, and develop coping strategies that feel sustainable. It’s not just for getting through treatment, but for the long road of building a family in whatever form that takes.
I serve clients in New York, Connecticut, Massachusetts and Florida via telehealth, and I welcome both individuals and couples.
Ready to Take That Step?
If this post resonated with you, I’d love to connect. Whether you’re a man in the middle of a fertility journey, a partner looking for support, or someone who has been holding this quietly for a long time you deserve support.
You don’t have to navigate this alone. Reach out through ashleymead.com to learn more about how we can work together.
Ashley Mead, LMHC, PMH-C, specializes in perinatal and fertility mental health, serving clients in New York, Connecticut, Massachusetts and Florida via telehealth.